Fractured Reality

Happy Halloween

2006-10-31T22:04:00.000-08:00

So winds down another Halloween night and season. I'll still have dark hair for a month as a reminder, but no real complaints there.

Clever costume ideas seen this year:

-Articulated snakes in a medusa headdress for extra snakey movement.

-Shiney Indian pants guarenteed to distract the competition during a game of music chairs.

-A 5'3" tall man becoming a 12' ent.

-Three nieces with matching dresses that needs signs that simply read 'Grandma made it'.

Happy Halloween Boys and Girls!

Quote

2006-10-12T10:01:00.000-07:00

“The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it.”
- Chinese proverb.

I like this theory. It goes along with the old saying of "Lead, Follow, or get out of my way." All thoughts towards not worrying about whether something can be done, but going out and doing it. A valuable thought towards any business, hobbie or personal goal. I don't think it means you shouldn't plan the things you do, but not to let cannots get in the way of doing.

Mouse in a Printer moments

2006-09-15T16:51:00.000-07:00

Yes...that's a mouse...yes...he's stuck in a printer. Not dead, just...terribly uncomfortable and not capable of getting himself free. I've had moments like this...sometimes an over abundance of moments like this. They're classified in a lot of ways: Bugs on a windshield, behind the eight ball, mouse in a printer... Those moments when life reaches up and slaps you and all you can do is make the choice whether to laugh or to cry. Most of the time I choose laugh. It's easier and not as headache inducing.

Today's mouse in a printer moment, just because I've got to share.

I am on the twentieth day of straight work this month. Weekends and long days every day. I'm getting a little on the punchy side, but I'm surrounded by people that are in about the same state. Little jokes that would have been slightly amusing before have made the jump to side splitting hysteria...the human psyche trying to deal with stress.

In response to all of this I decided to make soup for the office lunch. It seemed like such a good idea at the time. Before I got called in at 8 and the soup still not finished. This meant that finishing the soup took until 5 am and I was back up to get ready for work by 8. In the packing to get to work there were ten 2 gallon bags of soup, each half full, that had to go into the car. 9 of 10 were no problem. However, the tenth tested the quality assurance that had been done on the box of bags. Full of chicken noodle soup the side of the bag split and soup poured over the counter. As a testament to gravity the soup spread over the counter and headed downward, over my shirt and over the floor. Some minor sense of self urged me to scoop what was left in the bag over to a pot where it could be saved and still eaten, and the rest of me had a minor nervous break down. There was no time for a shower, just a change of clothing and off to the office, sporting my new parfume of Ode ta Chicken Soup.

Mouse in a Printer moment...

The mouse lived.

So will I.

Though it's given me amusing ideas for a product line of food scented perfumes and cologne... I'd curl up next to someone smelling of warm caramel... Wouldn't you?

Things to make note of

2006-07-24T21:59:00.000-07:00

I just sent in my Driver's license renwal. It's not due til October. This means I have something done early. Go me. Will write about procrastination...but I think I'll do it later.

~J

Danger to Myself and Others

2006-07-19T11:42:00.000-07:00

Some days it just doesn't pay to get up. Bugs Bunny immortalized the following phrase that just about puts it right for me. "I should have stayed in bed."

We all have those days when it just seems like the universe is out to get us one way or the other. Today my roommate and I are both in this type of fractured reality. She dropped her breakfast on the floor...three times...three types of breakfast. I woke up with a bloody nose, which made a mess and then spilled water down my front during work...more joy. Which just makes one wonder if there is some tilt of the earth or phase of the moon that decrees that today is going to be 'one of those days'. Think about how helpful it would be if we could figure it out. Then we'd know what days to call in sick for, and just...

stay in bed.

~J

Testing in Production

2006-06-28T15:29:00.000-07:00

Very often I am posed with the question, "What is it that you do?"

The temptation when I'm asked this is always to reply with something grandeous and obnoxious, but the reality is that it's not a great question. It's a question very open to interpretation and dependent on the moment in time that it's being asked. Sometimes what I do is eat, or sleep, or breathe, or...you get the picture. Most people that ask the question are actually not interested in what I do in a moment to moment way but mean it to associate with job title and responsibility. What do I do that brings in the money and theoretically makes me a benefit to society and the people around me? I say theoretically because I'm not convinced that all jobs are of societal benefit, I've certainly worked a couple that I'd be hard pressed to give that description. Anyway...the understood of the question is: What's your job? Which is also open ended, but I'm going to behave for now and not get into that.

So...the thing that I do from 9-5, sometimes longer, every day is work as a QA Engineer. It says so on my pod wall. What it means is that I spend my days breaking other people's stuff. In particular I'm an IT QA Engineer, which means I break software, webpages, all of that kind of thing, part of the development shop.

Currently I am also annoyed by the development shop.

Why?

Because at the heart of QA and Development is a fundamental butting of heads related to the idea that the job of a Developer is to create things, software to be specific, and the job of a QA engineer is to pound on what the Developer creates until it screams. Because of this fundamental competition it's very easy for the big picture of actually creating a marketable product to get brushed under the carpet while QA and Dev buck for dominance.

Sooo...as one of the QA Engineers (QAE) I would offer the following information so that maybe why we do what we do can be understood.

1: QA faces the problem that they are the last hands on a piece of software. If it goes into production with bugs, the buttkicking starts at QA and rolls up.

2: QAEs tend to be nitpickers and would rather report even the smallest of problems with the software rather than over look anything.

3: Just because a bug is reported doesn't mean the QA Engineer is insisting it be fixed. Most QAEs are reasonable and understand that there is a difference between show stopper bugs and aestetic bugs.

4: Rushing QA testing cycles makes QAE's grumpy and less prone to be helpful.

5: Testing in production is a NONO and should be avoided at all costs. This will make your QAEs whimper and develop nervous twitches. Just don't do it.

6: It takes a certain sadistic streak to love QA. That doesn't make us bad people...it just makes us good testers.

Hang up the phone and live

2006-06-15T14:02:00.000-07:00

I'm sure most people have see the bumper stickers that say:

Turn off your phone and drive.

In this vein was a story shared by a friend. Her husband had been driving home following a woman who was on the phone and weaving all over the road. He pulled up next to her and shouted for her to hang up the phone and drive. She kept the cellphone on her ear and took her other hand -OFF- of the steering wheel to flip him off, causing her to rearend the car in front of her.

Funny...but a true story. So I've started paying attention to the many inappropriate places that people use cell phones and I've been stunned at the result.

The idea of cellphones is a good one. A phone that can go with you. This works well for being able to get a hold of people away from home, or as an emergency device. It's convenient and can be sporty and fun. We accessorize our phones, give them unique rings and take them with us hither and yon. This is good...right? I would argue the answer to that question is...most of the time.

There are times and places where using the phone is riduculous, and sometimes we need to be off of our electronic leashes and just sit back and live. There was a time when people might go for a week without speaking to their neighbor. Now we spazz out if we have to go for five minutes without the ability to call the other side of the world at our fingertips. We live in a world where it is assumed that perfect strangers want to be part of the private lives that we discuss in our phone calls, often to the chagrin of the strangers who really just want to eat their ice cream in peace.

In that vein a list of times to turn the phone off or leave it home.

* In the bathroom - You cannot TELL me that what you're talking about is so important you have to do it on the jon, and I don't wanna hear your conversation when I'm in there either. The only exception to this rule is a medical emergency. If you are not bleeding to death out of some orifice that I don't want to know about, then the phone call can wait for five minutes while you attend to nature's call.

* At the movie theater - Take it outside, moron! The next person that answers their phone while sitting next to me, even just the bleep, bloop and bright light of text messaging is going to get a container of popcorn poured over their head. It's a 2 hour movie, you knew that coming in. If you MUST have your phone on turn the light OFF and put the dang thing on vibrate then LEAVE the theater if it rings. I don't need my entertainment interrupted with your Rock and Roll ringtone.

* In the middle of a class or presentation - Have a shred of courtesy for the presenter and your fellow attendees. Turn off the phone and keep your butt in your chair. You can check your messages during a break or after the class. If you're bored, bring a notebook and draw smilie faces. Then you're not bugging me.

* At a nice resturaunt - Your date is not impressed with the number of times you have interrupted the evening for phone chatter, nor are all of your neighbors. Again, if you MUST have the phone with you, put it on vibrate, excuse yourself and take the call outside. This is called being polite. I'm at the resturaunt for ambience, good company and food. I do not care if your team just made a touch down or if you're fighting with your ex-wife.

* In line at the store - Okay. There are many legitimate reasons for using the phone while in the store. I've run into a sale and called friends and family to see if they want me to pick up an extra bag of whatever it is. I don't have a problem with this. It's when you're in the check out LINE and holding up the whole thing to debate about something inane. Then I want to shove you in your own shopping cart and push it down the asile. Hang up when you go to get in line. This isn't hard.

* While driving - Yeah, I'm guilty of this one, but I've been working on cutting back. I'm sure there's a patch for it, or maybe a gum. Going back to the story at the top, you should be using two hands and most of your attention for driving. You're in a vehicle capable of running over someone or into something, and you annoy the other drivers as you're going 20 in a 40 MPH zone. There is respect due there both to the power of your vehicle and the road rage of someone else, so put the phone down. Emergencies aside, the call can wait, or you can PULL OVER and take it. If you MUST be on the phone use a headset or a hands free speaker. Now that I've said this I know I'll take crap the next time I call a friend while on the road, but I deserve it. I admit this.

* While making out - If you aren't more interested in the making out than the phone call there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with your relationship. If you are married this will lead to the doghouse for you, and if you're not married you'll be going home alone. If you are male this may get you kicked in uncomfortable places, and if it's a female...guys...she's giving you a clue that she's just not interested.

* Any of those places where you're specifically told not to. Hospitals, planes, courtrooms... There are good REASONS for you to turn the phone off and you shouldn't have to be reminded by the nice employees to turn it off. I don't want you to set off my grandfather's heart monitor or crash my plane. And you deserve what a judge will do to you if you try to bring it into a court room. Suck it up and turn the phone off.

I'm sure I could think of other places if I pht a little more thought into it, but these are the ones that really make me want to do the Mexican Phone Stomp. The pace of modern life is fast, we all know that, but sometimes it's in everyone's best interest to take a break and leave the phone somewhere else. You do not have to be on call 24 x 7, unless you are a doctor, police officer or a fireman, and even those take breaks sometimes. When you go on vacation do yourself a favor and let the phone sit in the hotel room. You'll be surprised at what you'll discover.

No...you haven't gone deaf.

That's what silence sounds like.

Nifty, isn't it?

~J

The new home for general discussion...

2006-06-06T10:20:00.000-07:00

And soon to be the home of Ask Jena...a place for odd answers to random questions.